"A beautiful thing never gives so much pain as does failing to hear and see it." Michaelangelo

Today is St. Valentine's Day! 

Now there are different accounts of the this day and some hold that it is more of a legend than a reality, others believe it is a myth; either ways the weight of the lessons give life to its celebration which is cornucopian especially in our contemporary world.

But let's look at it from the angle of love expressed that goes noticed for this is how frictions start, how love goes sour, how conflicts festers among people. 

Aah! 

That, is the bane of relationships today. Oh yes! It is.

You see, of the many theories of love that people apply ( I particularly like Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages), it means nothing if there is no acceptance or even reciprocity. When people love us and we fail to recognize that love, then there is failure in our call to obey God's commands which is predicated on love of neighbors.

Jesus says "love your neighbors as yourself just as I have loved you" and this is instructive in the way we go about celebrating today. 

According to a Catholic Priest, Father Anthony Nwosu, a man does at least 5 remarkable things when he loves a woman.

1. He spends quality time with her.

One of the languages of love as espoused by Dr. Gary Chapman, quality time is one of the most spoken and expressed love language among those in love. Quality time is not about sexual or sensual activities, but of heartfelt discussions about the future of the relationship. 

2. He familiarizes himself with her family members.

Among Africans, this perhaps is very important. Meeting the family is a huge prerequisite for dating. Knowing the family helps to boost confidence and ensure that the parents are put on notice. 

3. He looks forward to an occasion to share  meal with her.

Whether she cooks or he does the cooking, or maybe they even eat out, the joy of sharing meals together gladdens his heart. A lot of unburdening of the heart occurs when both couple are at table. 

4. He eschews from his lifestyle, things that she detests in the bid to make her happy and win her friendship.

He understands that there must be a noticeable change in his life which is attributed to her. Whether consciously or unconsciously, he begins to amend his ways, to change his circle of friends, to let go of lifestyle habits that appear unsavory to her. 

5. He literally lays down his life for her through self-denial, sacrifice, good conduct and charity.

They say the job of a man in relationship is to provide, protect and profess his love for his woman. He cultivates in her, what he wants her to become. In the discharge of these duties, he gives more of himself to her because of his love for her. 

The essence of love is in its expression I have always held. You can't love and not show it. On the other hand, when love is expressed and it isn't recognized or noticed, then there is a pain that never goes away!

We have been called to love as God's children - therefore we are lovers! St. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 the qualities of love that should drive our relationships; Love is mutual and it isn't materialistic. Love is supportive and not sexual. You can love someone without having sex with that person, but you can have sex with someone without loving them.

Love is edifying and not exhausting. It is beautiful and not biased. Love builds and doesn't break.L ove is divine and and not divisive.

Valentines day is one day, love is an eternal feeling. Valentine provides a platform to express love in its truest form, unconditional as it is.

 So love right, love God and love your neighbor as yourself just as God has loved, loves and is loving you.

OjisiEmezie

I have always been fascinated about her writings​. This fine trained psychologist can slice through any topic like hot knife piercing through butter. She does so with the finesse that is uniquely hers, a fine trait that makes her Ezinne Arua.

I trust you would find her "Reflections​ on Democracy" (my caption). Soon we hope to be blessed with her writings frequently.

Happy reading.

OjisiEmezie

I pray I live to see the day when our recorded achievements as a Nation will make a mockery of the savage we are living through in this our primitive days of democracy.

Democracy is a beautiful thing. According to its simplest definition, it is the government of the people, by the people, for the people. The very sound of it echos hope to those who practice other forms of government.

During our stints with the Military, democracy was the only Change we hoped for. A Change we got, a Change that has proved not to be that which we had hoped for.

Every four years, we fulfill the righteousness of an election. Admittedly, it bests the era of violent overthrow of the government, coups and other forms of military menace. Our electoral and transitory process is not much a bane on our democracy as the quality of leaders that get elected into leadership positions. For the right man (or woman) can get things done, while the wrong man (or woman) can rip away everything right in the system.

I remember this day in 1999. I can still see a picture of President Obasanjo in my head, waving to Nigerians after he was sworn-in as a civilian President. I remember the symbolic drive of the military back into the barracks. Maybe their trucks drove back, but the men did not. They only hung up their boots and uniforms and adorned the apparel of civilians and the game (simply) continued.

From the East to the West, North to South, there are countless ex-military men who have taken up civilian rule. From the Lords to their boys, they have also raised a new breed of "non-former military" politicians who have the same drive as they. Clinging to power by all means necessary and hoarding power as though it is a material object.

It is hard adjusting to ways that is unfamiliar to one. No one taught us how to be democratic. I understand that it may be hard to shed old ways. The struggle to become "anew" is seen in the ridiculous contrast between the democracy we read about in textbooks, that we see being practiced in other Nations and the democracy we have here in our Nigeria.

Early days can be hard. Great democratic Nations of today once joggled with their own democracy too, most still do. Nigeria too will learn.

It is up to us to shed the cloak of apathy, and build a democracy that would appeal, not to the money mongers, but to people that hold ideals, integrity and an unflinching passion for a service to the Nation.

Long live the Federal Republic of Nigeria.
Happy Democracy day.

Ezinne Arua