I have had the
rare privilege of being a part of many wedding ceremonies of families, friends,
colleagues, neigbours and indeed clients. As a Compere I have seen what lack of
understanding can do to wedding ceremony especially among families which would
then be transferred to the couples. This is why I like to always do a rehearsal
with my clients, request for a handler and ask them to keep their families off
the food and drinks.
I have always held
that no matter how important trust is in every relationship, there cannot be any
headway if there is a lack of understanding. One of the most painful things
that can happen to someone is to see the one you love either love another or
take your love for granted. It takes time to build emotions towards anyone, I
have always held that there is love at first sight but this is sustained by the
frequency of contact and the discovery of shared values.
Truth is, when you
find that special person, then your emotional investments become profitable! Oh
yeah!
We are advised to
never make people a priority when they make us an option. It is better to
discover at the start of your journey to avoid emotional "crinkum
krankum" or its attendant “higi haga” [thanks to Hon Patrick
Obahiagnon for the phrase] because you can't recover any emotional investments
made when you make the wrong choices. You may isolate and forget the money
spent, time shared, memories created, but when you add the emotions which
cannot be quantified in monetary terms; then that is the real investment in the
relationship.
Case
Study One
Now t is said that
a man needs to be understood than loved, why a woman needs be loved than
understood. This is simply because a man is easily drawn by what he sees, while
a woman is moved by what she hears. This is a no brainer.
Sometime ago, my
friend Chuba Obi-Okaro shared this story on his Facebook page
“Husband comes home
drunk and breaks some crockery, vomits and falls down on the floor... Wife
pulls him up and cleans everything. Next day when he gets up he expects her to
be really angry with him.... He prays that they should not have a fight.. He
finds a note near the table...n
"Honey. Your
favourite breakfast is ready on the table, I had to leave early to buy
grocery... I’ll come running back to you, my love. I love you. ... He gets
surprised and asks his son.., 'What happened last night..? Son replied...,"
When mom pulled you
to bed and tried Removing your boots and shirt.. You were dead drunk and you
said...... “Hey lady! Leave Me Alone... I AM Married!!!
Now That’s True
Love... It’s all crazy!”
Case
Study Two
“A young couple moved into a new
neighbourhood. The next morning while eating breakfast, the young woman saw her
neighbour through the window hanging the wash outside. “That laundry is not
clean,” she said. "She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she
needs better laundry soap". Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
Every time the neighbour would hang laundry to dry, the young woman would make
the same comments.
About one month
later, the woman was surprised to see nice clean wash on the line and said to
her husband: "Look, she has learnt how to wash correctly. I wonder who
taught her this!" The husband replied: "I got up early this morning
and cleaned our windows."
In the first
story, we see a woman who understands her man, and thus grows in love of him
due to his actions. In the second d case, we see a man who loves his wife
enough to understand her and wish she do better.
Every relationship
and marriage has got beautiful Soul and R&B songs and dances to be enjoyed
for a life time, but first you must understand that the Shoki, Gangham , and
the very fast paced swing dance which take your breath away must come.
You can enjoy your
relationship , avoid loss of emotional investments and a truly marital bliss if
you learn to play your role right. Man love thy woman, woman understand thy
man!
May your dance be
eternal!
OjisiEmezie
1 comments
I am always of the opinion that love is not the ultimate in a relationship, though a necessity but shouldn't be aligned as the basis for all reactions in any relationship, understanding and trusting goes a better way
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