Should a man Love or Understand his Woman?


Image result for images for emotional investmentI have had the rare privilege of being a part of many wedding ceremonies of families, friends, colleagues, neigbours and indeed clients. As a Compere I have seen what lack of understanding can do to wedding ceremony especially among families which would then be transferred to the couples. This is why I like to always do a rehearsal with my clients, request for a handler and ask them to keep their families off the food and drinks.

I have always held that no matter how important trust is in every relationship, there cannot be any headway if there is a lack of understanding. One of the most painful things that can happen to someone is to see the one you love either love another or take your love for granted. It takes time to build emotions towards anyone, I have always held that there is love at first sight but this is sustained by the frequency of contact and the discovery of shared values.

Truth is, when you find that special person, then your emotional investments become profitable! Oh yeah!

We are advised to never make people a priority when they make us an option. It is better to discover at the start of your journey to avoid emotional "crinkum krankum" or its attendant “higi haga” [thanks to Hon Patrick Obahiagnon for the phrase] because you can't recover any emotional investments made when you make the wrong choices. You may isolate and forget the money spent, time shared, memories created, but when you add the emotions which cannot be quantified in monetary terms; then that is the real investment in the relationship.

Case Study One

Now t is said that a man needs to be understood than loved, why a woman needs be loved than understood. This is simply because a man is easily drawn by what he sees, while a woman is moved by what she hears. This is a no brainer.

Sometime ago, my friend Chuba Obi-Okaro shared this story on his Facebook page  

“Husband comes home drunk and breaks some crockery, vomits and falls down on the floor... Wife pulls him up and cleans everything. Next day when he gets up he expects her to be really angry with him.... He prays that they should not have a fight.. He finds a note near the table...n

"Honey. Your favourite breakfast is ready on the table, I had to leave early to buy grocery... I’ll come running back to you, my love. I love you. ... He gets surprised and asks his son.., 'What happened last night..? Son replied...,"

When mom pulled you to bed and tried Removing your boots and shirt.. You were dead drunk and you said...... “Hey lady! Leave Me Alone... I AM Married!!!

Now That’s True Love... It’s all crazy!”

Image result for images for couplesThat is the kind of wife I seek though not the type of husband I desire to be.  Dear future wife, I won't be a drunk, but once married, I promise to stay married. This is the Challenge of relationship and marriage, the fact that there must be a basic understanding which builds trust.

Case Study Two

 “A young couple moved into a new neighbourhood. The next morning while eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbour through the window hanging the wash outside. “That laundry is not clean,” she said. "She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap". Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time the neighbour would hang laundry to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look, she has learnt how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this!" The husband replied: "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows."

In the first story, we see a woman who understands her man, and thus grows in love of him due to his actions. In the second d case, we see a man who loves his wife enough to understand her and wish she do better.

Every relationship and marriage has got beautiful Soul and R&B songs and dances to be enjoyed for a life time, but first you must understand that the Shoki, Gangham , and the very fast paced swing dance which take your breath away must come.

You can enjoy your relationship , avoid loss of emotional investments and a truly marital bliss if you learn to play your role right. Man love thy woman, woman understand thy man!

May your dance be eternal!


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  1. I am always of the opinion that love is not the ultimate in a relationship, though a necessity but shouldn't be aligned as the basis for all reactions in any relationship, understanding and trusting goes a better way